Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
