just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
