I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
