i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
