Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
