I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
