I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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