M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
