Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
