the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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