U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
