Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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