I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
