i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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