Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
