ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
