When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
