I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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