Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
