She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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