oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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