sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
