I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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