Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
