My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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