I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
