So drunk its hurt
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
