Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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