My underwear smells like fireworks.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
