Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
