I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
