For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
