So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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