Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
