I think my vagina is haunted
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
