Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So vagazzling was a success
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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