like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
