I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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