Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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