i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
