I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
