I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
