Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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