youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize