belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
