Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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