Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need water and some morals
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
