Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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