i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
