dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
