im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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