nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
