And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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