i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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