Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
