Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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