mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize