u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
