The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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