I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I need moral support for this bender
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
