Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
