I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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