yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
