Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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