Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
