oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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