Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
