Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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