just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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